Those darn feelings seem to get in the way at the worst times. I will bet you can think of several situations where you thought someone was neglecting or ignoring you. Perhaps they did something that upset you. The question to ask yourself, were they really doing it to hurt you or was it because they were dealing with their own issues?
We can be blindsided by making assumptions. Sometimes we takes things too personally. Both of these tenants are discussed in the book, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book. This book was recommended to me several years ago and I have often suggested that people read it.
Here is a synopsis of the four agreements:
- Be impeccable with your word. If we are careful with what we say, we can improve our personal and work relationships. Our words can be very damaging to others and can leave an imprint for many years. When we become conduits to gossip and untruths, invariably we hurt other people. Bob Whipple recently wrote an article on how to reduce gossip.
- Don’t take anything personally. The premise is that people react to their own ‘stuff’ and not necessarily to something; you did or did not do. Their behavior is a direct reflection of their value system and beliefs and because guess what – they chose to do it. You did not force them to make their decision. If you tend to believe you are the cause or to blame in situations, this is an agreement worth understanding. If find yourself feeling unsure, consider asking the question, ‘Is this something you are going through or does it have to do with me?”
- Don’t make assumptions. We can cause a lot of stress by not asking people what they think or want to do about something that involves them personally. I can recall when I assumed that a friend was not available to go to an event. When I mentioned it to her afterward, she told me it was something she wanted to attend and in the future, “please do not make decisions for me”. This is a great lesson that I use frequently.
- Always do your best. This is the pep talk principle. This is not about being perfect. It recognizes that sometimes situations arise where we are able to follow the four agreements better than other times. In challenging situations, it is not the time to criticize ourselves. It is time to recognize that we are doing the best we can in the circumstances.
The next time you find yourself feeling like everything is your fault, consider if you are taking on more than you really need to with someone. It might even be time to evaluate if the relationship is beneficial.
I got fired 2 days after letting regional manager know my manager had changed hours everydaybi worked and that a rough guess was i am owed 300 hours overtime. I got fired on a Wednesday paydaybwas friday. I gotnpid friday and the check bounced due to a stop oayment i gotncharged 32 dollars inthen called and asked what happened boss played stupid. I then was still owed around 40 hours and didnt get that check until the following pay date and i then got the 300 hoursnovertime along with both checked only after insigned a contract not to sue. Or discuss with anyone except tax preparer. Well he labeled me inependent contractor which i can prove beyond doubt i was an employee and every paystub i got no state taxes took out of but when ingot my w2 my taxes are shown to be taken out and federalntaxes are different than the made up taxes from fabricated paystubs. I thinknthe contract is vois duento him stopping the payment on check and notnpaumying me for an entire month until imafterninsigned lopsided contract