I have decided what my New Year’s resolution is this year. I do not usually make one, nor is it in my nature to broadcast it. This year is different.
My resolution is to be real.
Some of you may think that being real is so easy to do, that I am taking the easy way out. If you do, consider the following:
- Do you tell people, let us get together and then not follow up? Do you say this because it is the socially acceptable thing to do with no intention of connecting?
- Do you respond to someone pressing you for an answer just to get him or her off your back or do you stand your ground and tell him or her you are not ready to make a decision?
- Are you able to voice your opinion even if it is not the popular view?
- Do you make commitments and then not follow through on them?
- Are you timely in letting people know you have changed your mind so they make personal adjustments?
- How often do you say “maybe” to something when you really want to say “no”?
- How are you at making tough decisions, do you avoid them hoping they go away or face them?
- Are you comfortable enough in your skin to put yourself out there in the public eye?
- Do you know what your core values are and live your life embracing them?
- Do you accept that life is about trade-offs and you are willing to know you cannot have it all?
- How often do you tell a friend something they need to know, but may hurt them? Are you willing to test the strength of the relationship?
- What is more important to you…being liked by everyone or being truthful?
By now, you probably get why being real is difficult. It will make some people feel uncomfortable. That could be friends, family and co-workers or possibly yourself.
Being real means letting people get to know who you are, without hidden agendas. They will know what you do well and what your flaws are and see you as human.
That’s OK in my book.
Great article Lynn.
I lost my dad when I was only 14. The lesson that I was left with was to always speak up with honesty. Always be true to yourself. You can never count on tomorrow.
I also lost my parents when a teen. Nothing like losing those you love to make you regret what you didn’t say. Grief certainly resets your criteria of what is honesty!
There’s a cost to honesty and to drawing personal boundaries. Certainly being “honest, real, and ethical” as defined by you is a good thing to do. However, if you care about others, you still must deal with how others feel about how you’re acting. How do you want to affect others & the situation and communicate effectively?
I found it’s wise to choose your battles deliberately. Sometimes it’s better to tell a white lie and go through some meaningless social niceties than it is to announce your contrariness out of the starting gate. I know I’m an unusual person with unusual values; it’s not important to me anymore to broadcast that quality to the world. Now I let others figure that out about me on their own. I’ve learned a little friendly reserve helps others not be intimidated by my lack of social constraints. I decided that I do not enjoy people being afraid of me because of my “daring”. Others seem to assign the lowest motive to actions they don’t understand. So it’s best to explain motives and go from there. Often, opting out without revealing why is a better strategy. My rule of thumb for making these decisions has been, “keep you eyes on the prize.” The virtual question is: “What do I want to create here, and are my means congruent with my goals?”
Someone who is “ethical” actually is in the act of protecting the other person, while leaving themselves vulnerable. That’s the cost of “being real.”
I love this posting…and I’m with you! Easier said than done, but I believe being “real” makes life and relationships more meaningful and enjoyable (i.e. he/she/they really know who I am, how I feel, what I think…and they choose to have me in their lives anyway, warts, faults & all!). Looking forward to making and retaining more connections in 2010…