It happens all the time, someone says or does something and we believe we know exactly what they did and why they did it… or do we?

Every day we spend our time assessing our environments and the behavior of others. A person says something and we immediately put meaning to what they said.

Problems occur however, when we do not take time to check out our perception for accuracy. You see, the meaning you put on a situation came from within you and often it was not the intention of the person doing the behavior. That is why 4 people can witness a situation and walk away with very different perceptions of what they saw.

Let’s take a closer look at this phenomenon. Every time we interact with another human being, we bring to the conversation every life experience we have had up to that point. Our education, upbringing, religious beliefs, and our memories of all our other interactions, and then we filter what we see based on those experiences.

For example, if you had a bad experience with someone of a particular race or ethnic group, it will often influence how you would interact with others from the same group. This is the basis of prejudice, when we generalize the behavior of one or a few to an entire population. In addition, if you had a bad experience with someone who looks like the person you had the difficult time with, it may influence your perception of any individual who looks similar.

This became evident in a story of a woman who was sent to treatment for addictions. She called a few days later saying she wanted to leave and she hated her counselor. The woman said she was a terrible therapist and she hated being in the same room with her. She had signed a release so the facility was called and they reported that the counselor she had one of their most experienced and gifted counselors. She was encouraged to stay and a few days later she called to say she realized that the counselor looked very much like her aunt who had abused her as a child. She went on to make major breakthroughs and loved her counselor.

Every day we filter every interaction we have with others and come up with our perception of the situation. To ensure you have correctly perceived a circumstances, you need do a perception check.

First, determine your perception of what took place. Next, force yourself to determine what else may be going on. Third, and most important, check it out with the other individual. Approach then and ask to check something out with them then in a respectful tone inquire as to their intent.

Even if you took something sarcastically you can say, “When you said _____________, I felt confused because it sounded like you may have thought I ____________.

Is that accurate?

It is a good way to clear up misperceptions or address issues that may be brewing before people get resentful and communication totally breaks down. Checking things out can clear up problems before they start.