It is easy to jump to conclusions when you do not know people. We do it every day at work or in our personal relationships.
We think we have an agreement with someone and then for some reason they seem to be slacking or not keeping up with what you thought were their commitments. Pretty soon, you find yourself jumping to conclusions, which may have merit or could be totally off base.
Recently, I decided to get a puppy. It has been two and half years since I put my first dog Dryfus down. He had suffered his second stroke and it was time. I still have a girl, she is almost 13 and is in good health, yet her time will come only too soon.
I had been researching breeders for several years. I knew I wanted a Havanese; that decision was made before Dryfus left me.
Little Guy - one week old
After visiting several breeders, I finally found one where the timing was right; she came with personal recommendations.
There are two litters – one and two weeks old. I had my pick of the litters and settled in on this “Little Guy” – a Chocolate Irish Pied, yet to be named. That was four weeks ago.
As you can imagine, I am invested and eager to learn about him every week. I look forward to the weekly pictures which she sends out on Mondays.
On the third week, I did not get a picture on Monday. As an expectant mother, I am getting antsy. Finally on Wednesday it shows up.
The following week I decide to give my breeder a nudge and send her an email letting her know that I really enjoy seeing my “Little Guy’s” progress and to ask some questions about the paperwork I owe her.
Tuesday goes by. Wednesday begins to fade and late that evening I get his new picture, yet none of my questions are answered. My breeder writes that her mother is in ICU and her life has been upside down.
There is a delicate balance of keeping commitments and dealing with real life issues. As hard as it might be, letting people (even people who are not close to you) know if something significant is happening lets others understand why commitments may not be met or will be delayed.
5 weeks - who's counting?
Do I miss the Monday morning picture? Sure, I do.
What is more important to me is that the puppy is getting the right attention in the midst of the breeder’s chaos. As much as I would like to know some answers, they are truly insignificant to what my breeder is trying to manage in her life.
It is tough to give people space. We live in the “I want it now or yesterday” world. Some things just have to wait.
This week, I got my picture on Monday – back to the normal schedule.
The note from her says that her mother passed away and times are very hard. She will get the paperwork to me the next day.
If she’s late – who cares. It’s only paperwork.
Absolutely true. I remember trying to make a reservation at a hotel in the Adirondacks. I called 3 days in a row and no one called me back. I was getting very upset. The hotel owner called me back on day 4. They had a death in the family. It was a powerful lesson for myself to be more patient and understanding. I try harder now to not assume. And, I am very aware and thankful if people are understanding when events in my life cause my work to be later than I would like.
Thanks, Lynn, for the great reminder.
Sue, thank you for sharing another great example of how easy it is to think someone is just ignoring us when in fact, real life is taking precedence.
Microenterprises (1-6 person companies) are prone to personal issues being an integral part of the business process. Yet sometimes, as clients of these businesses, our expectations get set by big corporations with their 24/7/364 delivery promises. Some microenterprise owners can become obsessed with competing with the big guys to the point where they stuff their personal lives into a corner. No time for puppies, kids, spouses, family or friends. Your article is a good reminder to keep things in perspective.
I just had a similar experience last week. My wife and I are financing some home improvements and things were moving slowing. I poked and prodded at the appraiser only to discover that his lack of responsiveness was due to a death in the family. I really felt like a heel. The important things in life can quickly get buried under the minutia of the daily grind.
With the variety of communication vehicles in our world today, it seems more challenging than ever to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.